i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
