just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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