this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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