My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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