dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
