I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
