GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he thought i was a dude.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
