mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm like, not good at living.
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