I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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