with your own penis?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
