I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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