i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
