theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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