Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize