My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
