I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
