i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
