dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
