just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize