My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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