How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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