The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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