I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
