I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
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