He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
