dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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