The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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