Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
