I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
