Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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