like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
