My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
