??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Randomize
