it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
