I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
