I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
