All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
