Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
