A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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