I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
