Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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