Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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