U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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