i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
