dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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