Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
