You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
