in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
