Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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