We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
