Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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