Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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