So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
