I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
