brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I am available for nakedness
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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