"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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