god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
