I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
