I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
