so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
