Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
