He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize