You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Having a random hookup so left but love u
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
