Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize