your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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