I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
