If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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