New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
