Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
