Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
