I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
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