Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
