also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
