Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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