yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
