Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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